Jail News: The Hogan Family Stays Classy

May 24th, 2008 @ Gravy Guest

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The Hogans do it again! Let’s recap: Ma & Pa Hogan are getting divorced, Pa is seen frolicking with a late model blonde in a pool, Pa is photographed applying lotion to his daughters derriere (um, eew), and Sonny Boy is in jail for a recent reckless driving conviction that left a friend forever in need of medical care. This isn’t multiple choice; all of the previous statements are true. Holidays at the Hogan home must be a blast! Raise your glasses and CHEERS!
But, in what might trump all, a recorded jail house conversation between The Hulkster and Junior revealed much about the true thoughts and motives of the family. According to Junior, the victim John Graziano, was a ‘negative person’ and Pops questioned what kind of things Graziano was ‘into.’ Following this logic, this horrible car accident was a karmic act of God. It was meant to happen. Retribution? He must have deserved it. In that case, let’s get a big van and fill it with child molesters and rapists and put Nick behind the wheel. Crank up some Whitesnake on the FM radio and go full throttle into a wall. They deserved it, right? After all, that’s what happens when you are a negative person.
Part two of the recorded conversation also details how Junior and The Hulkster are working on a REAL-ALITY (his pronunciation not mine) show following Juniors release. Great, just what we need–a show about a convicted loser just trying to get his sh*t together. Please. I’d rather alphabetize my spice rack.

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