Gravy and Biscuits

Want to be a Rock Star? All you Need is $2k and No Talent

Posted by Gravy Guest in Friday, August 8th 2008

You might be thinking ’so that is how FALL OUT BOY does it.’ No, that my friend, is a deal with Satan.
But for just $2,000 large you can feel what it’s like to be a famous musician for a day at Rock and Roll fantasy camp.

What exactly happens at Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy Camp?

“Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy Camp is a one-day crash course in rock ‘n’ roll jamming that provides amateur musicians with an opportunity to feel what it’s like to be in GUNS N’ ROSES or AC/DC.”

You mean little ol’ me can live the dream of being an over-the-hill musician that hasn’t released a relevant album or toured since George Sr. was in office? Now that will be money well spent. All they have to do is dazzle me with some random names of bands I never liked and I am sold.

“In the first band I had in Boston, one guy played nothing, so we put him on cowbell,” said KIP WINGER, a musician and Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy Camp counselor.

KIP WINGER! They convinced KIP WINGER to work the camp? Did he have to take the whole day off from Starbucks or did he just switch hours with the night manager?

“Anybody can be a rock star, it’s just a matter of opening the door and saying, ’Hi, here I am,’” said GLENN HUGHES of DEEP PURPLE.

Isn’t that the same line the groupies use?

Chris Illuminati is a freelance writer, foreign diplomat and has never lost a game of Bingo. You can read more of his work here.